---
title: Melinda French Gates Is Still Learning What Comes Next
description: After 27 years of marriage, nightmares and days on the floor, Melinda French Gates wrote her memoir from the middle of the mess, not the other side.
author: Dr Marina Nani (Editor-in-Chief)
date: 2026-02-17T11:27:14.000Z
updated: 2026-03-04T18:12:05.005Z
canonical: https://richwoman.co/article/melinda-french-gates-is-still-learning-what-comes-next
image: https://cdn.nanimediahouse.com/melinda-french-gates.webp
categories: Inspiration
content_type: Profile
region: Global
publication: Rich Woman Magazine
about:
  - type: Person
    name: Bill Gates
---

There’s a line in Melinda French Gates’ memoir, *The Next Day*, that stops you mid-page. ‘I once told Bill that marriage is like a beautiful crystal bowl,’ she writes. ‘When he let go of his side of our bowl, I couldn’t hold it up alone. The whole thing came crashing down, leaving me crouched on the ground, picking up shards.’

She wrote that not from a place of resolution but from what she calls ‘the middle’. Not safely on the other side. Still in it. Still figuring things out.

## The floor, the tears, the slow getting up

French Gates’ divorce from Bill Gates in 2021, after 27 years of marriage, was not a clean break. She’s spoken about nightmares, panic attacks and days spent lying on the floor, angry and crying. She’s also spoken about what she describes as ‘betrayals’ (plural, and she’s been clear it wasn’t one thing but many).

In a recent interview with NPR’s *Wild Card* podcast, she was asked about the Epstein files that named her ex-husband. Her answer was steady but heavy. ‘They need to answer to those things, not me,’ she said. And then: ‘I am so happy to be away from all the muck.’

## Writing in the middle

Most memoirs are written from the far side. You survive something, you make sense of it, you share the lessons. French Gates did something different. She wrote *The Next Day* while still in the transition, still working through forgiveness, still [rebuilding after loss](https://richwoman.co/article/your-reading-roadmap-the-nonfiction-books-that-help-through-divorce-grief-and-caregiving).

‘I wrote this in the middle,’ she’s said. ‘Rather than writing safely from the other side, I wanted to write about when you are in those transitions.’ It’s a riskier way to tell a story. It’s also a more honest one.

The book became an instant *New York Times* bestseller, which tells you something about how many people are navigating their own versions of the same question: what do you do the morning after everything changes?

## Trust, in baby steps

When asked whether she could ever trust someone again, French Gates was characteristically direct. ‘I didn’t know if I would ever trust again,’ she said. ‘But I have learned that with the right person, you can. And it’s baby steps at first, and you build on that.’

She credits therapy with helping her respond to what happened without [losing herself in the process](https://richwoman.co/article/writing-has-healing-powers-how-a-woman-found-a-new-life-purpose-when-walked-away-from-old-tra). ‘It made it possible for me to respond to the betrayals in my marriage without betraying myself in return.’

On forgiveness, she was less definitive. ‘I think I’m getting there,’ she said. ‘It’s a work in progress.’ At 61, with adult children, two granddaughters and a best friend she’s kept since secondary school, she seems less interested in tidy conclusions than in honest ones.

## What she’s building now

French Gates now runs Pivotal Philanthropies, funded in part by her divorce settlement. Her focus is women’s health, workplace equity and global leadership. Less than two per cent of all charitable giving currently goes to women and girls. She’s [working to change that](https://richwoman.co/article/who-drives-the-change-women-are-set-for-wealth-dominance-in-the-decade-ahead).

But the numbers are almost beside the point. What stands out is the clarity. After nearly a quarter of a century running one of the world’s largest foundations alongside a husband she was also privately losing trust in, she chose to start again. Not with a plan for everything, but with a willingness to figure it out as she went.

‘You don’t get to be my age without navigating all kinds of transitions,’ she writes. ‘Some you embraced and some you never expected. Some you hoped for and some you fought as hard as you could.’

She isn’t pretending to have all the answers. She’s just showing up for the next day.

## In case you were wondering…

**Q: Can you learn to trust again after betrayal in a long relationship?**
Many people do, though it rarely looks the way they expect. Therapists who specialise in relationship recovery say trust doesn’t come back all at once. It’s rebuilt in small, everyday moments (a promise kept, a boundary respected) rather than in grand gestures. Research suggests that people who maintain close friendships and seek professional support during difficult transitions tend to recover their capacity for trust more fully. The timeline is different for everyone, and there’s no right speed.

**Q: How does therapy help with divorce recovery?**
Therapy provides a space to process grief, anger and confusion without the pressure of performing for others. For many women, particularly those leaving long marriages, a good therapist helps untangle which feelings belong to the relationship and which belong to older patterns. Cognitive behavioural therapy and narrative therapy are both commonly used in post-divorce recovery, helping people reframe their story without minimising what happened.

**Q: Why do some women thrive after ending long marriages?**
Research from the University of Arizona found that many women report increased personal growth, self-confidence and life satisfaction in the years following a divorce, especially when the marriage involved a significant power imbalance. The transition is often painful, but the freedom to make independent decisions (about money, time, relationships and career) can open doors that had quietly closed during the marriage. The women who tend to do best are those who invest in their own support network and allow themselves time to grieve before rebuilding.
